Having good questions to get to know your in-laws ready helps turn that sometimes quiet Sunday dinner into a real conversation. More than breaking the ice, it is a way of getting closer: your in-laws hold the childhood story of the person you love and the roots of the family you have joined.
Their lives
- What was the town where you grew up like?
- How did the two of you meet?
- What was the biggest adventure of your youth?
How your partner grew up
- What was my husband (or wife) like as a child?
- Which story from their childhood do you most love to tell?
- What did you always want for your children?
Of all of them, this kind of question usually yields the most: asking your father-in-law or mother-in-law what your partner was like as a child. It works because it puts the person in the role of expert on a subject they love — their own child — with no pressure involved. It is one of the simplest ways to build warmth in any relationship, because it invites the person to share pride, not to explain themselves.
Family and traditions
- Which tradition in your family is the most important?
- Is there a recipe or custom that goes back generations?
A gesture that brings you closer
Asking about your in-laws’ story says, without words, that you care where your family comes from — and that is often when relationships finally warm up.
Curiosity without assuming a shared background
In families in Canada, in-laws may have grown up in another province, territory or country and have customs you do not know yet. Ask what those practices mean instead of guessing from language or religion. It is also worth asking what they would like you to call them. If you record, agree on how it will be used beforehand, and do not treat a get-to-know-you conversation as permission to expose intimate stories.
Further reading: Oral History Association — participants.
See also the guide to writing a family member’s biography.
See also ideas for starting a family record.