How to interview an older relative: practical touches that make all the difference

Knowing how to interview an older relative starts with listening to their preferences. Ask where, when and in which language they want to talk, whether they want company and whether they prefer a recording or notes. Adjustments to the setting and pace should follow the person, without assuming their needs from their age.

Set up the room with hearing in mind

Ask whether the space is comfortable and whether it is easy to hear the conversation. If the person prefers, turn off the TV, reduce background noise and sit where they can see your face. Agree on volume and speaking speed, without assuming hearing loss or a need for adaptation.

Prepare the moment

Choose a time when the person feels up to it and agree on a flexible starting length. Make it clear there is no rush, that pauses are welcome and that they can stop whenever they like. No single length works for everyone: check on their comfort throughout the conversation.

Give the answer time to arrive

After asking, leave space for the answer, without finishing sentences or rushing into another question. Pace varies from person to person, and the interview is not a place to interpret signs of health. Ask whether they want more time, a different topic or to stop; respect their choice without pressure.

Questions that respect the pace

Prefer open questions about concrete scenes: “What was your house like?” “Tell me about a happy day.” Our list of questions to learn your family’s history helps guide the talk without turning it into a questionnaire.

Record so nothing is lost

If the person agrees, record audio: the voice, pauses and accent are worth as much as the words. That way you keep their memories in a way no notes can capture — and help keep the recording accessible to the family, as part of a broader effort to preserve family memories.

Let the person choose how to talk

In a Canadian family, the French or English used every day may not be the language in which the person prefers to remember childhood. Agree on the language and use short questions, without turning the conversation into a memory test. Adapt the setting to the comfort, hearing and sight of whoever is taking part. Ask for consent before recording and agree on who may listen; any topic can be skipped and the conversation can end earlier than planned.